he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
