I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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