I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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