After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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