She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
