Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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