I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just made out with a guy for $7.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
