My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
