I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize