the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
