I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize