6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
