turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
