we're chasing vodka with high fives
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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