Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just high enough for therapy.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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