You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
