I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
