If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Randomize
