i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Randomize
