I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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