I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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