She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
