just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
