yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
