I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
