i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
