Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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