He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
