Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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