i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
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Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
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I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
So here I am, sexting at work.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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