I'm laying in your front yard are you home
sarcasm needs its own font
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
