I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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