Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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