i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
