sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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