The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
