That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
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How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
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He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
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