make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
