Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
