It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
