you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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