I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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