Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize