the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
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He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
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Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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