Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
a search helicopter?!
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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