Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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