What did we do last night that was yellow?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
