im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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