Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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