Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.