I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
