Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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