I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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