so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
