please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
