8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
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