I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
