Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize