Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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