just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
