12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just pee around me
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
