i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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