i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
